21...what is next?

Can't sleep tonight! Not a good thing...I neeeed my sleep for the benefit of all those I encounter tomorrow!!
It might have something to do with turning 21 tomorrow. I have been pretty excited about my birthday all week but feel pretty weird about the whole thing tonight. Laying in my bed, I began thinking about this past year, everything that has transpired whether good or bad and I can't help but wonder what is next?
Did I grow at all this past year? Where am I spiritually, physically and mentally...oh flashbacks to team time in Nica;)
I believe I did in some ways but have also been on somewhat of a roller coaster going through seasons of growth and then seasons of drought.
20 was a good year for me but I am ready for things to really begin to happen. I know God has good plans and is taking care of things even when they seem unclear to me. His time is better than mine could ever be and his will is perfect for what lies ahead.
Patience is not something I have ever really done well but I am learning and taking one step at a time. I get so frustrated with waiting. Waiting for something that may never happen; or at least it feels that way sometimes. Where is my faith??eeeesh!! While I was trying to go to sleep the word dare kept going through my head. How daring am I? Do I dare to trust God and see what he has in store? Could I dare to give control to him instead of holding on so vehemently myself!
I want to be more daring this year. Taking chances that God would have me take when they bring glory to him. I spend so much time worrying over what is right or wrong and even my future but I should really be focused on bringing glory to God since that is what I was created for in the first place. This year will be a year of daring. Daring to trust and step out; to see what could possible happen.

Life is Funny

God has a funny way of getting my attention sometimes.
I feel like I spend so much time fretting over the future and what it holds. Tonight I was reminded that the future is important but the present is the most immediate concern. How am I handling this moment I have been given? We are only given each day through God's grace.
So many things become distracting and cause us to lose intimacy with Christ.
Why do we trade intimacy with him for worthless things the world has to offer? Seems rediculous when we think about it like that but it is much easier said than done to be honest.
My challenge to myself this week is to be more honest with myself. To examine my heart and where I am currently at. Work on what is going on right now and to trust the Lord to guide my steps down the road. Worry over the future has become an idol for me and a paralysing one at that.
My past has held me down and the future seems uncertain but this moment is a gift and can truly go either way...

I Miss...

I miss the simpleness of childhood.
I miss getting excited about little things.
I miss seeing beauty in ashes.
I miss being amazed by what's bigger than me.
I miss laughing till my sides hurt.
I miss crying for no reason because my heart might burst if I didn't.
I miss taking chances and I miss the memories of moments of bliss and tragic ends.
I miss getting so caught up in a book that I almost feel like I actually lived it.
I miss playing the piano into the night because it brings me closer to my Father in Heaven.
I miss not worrying when I believed life would be blessed regardless beacause of God's faithfulness.
I miss being confounded by the wonder of the stars on a clear night and I miss the way I can enjoy the best meal I've ever had.
I miss being moved and feeling everything so deeply.
Numbness makes me miss these things that my heart holds so dear.

The Burn!!!

My trainer at the gym keeps trying to convince me that I am going to become addicted to working out.
I think he is crazy. I think it might kill me.
This class might be the thing that helps me get back into it. I hope so.

What a stressful week!

This blog is honestly a mess of random thoughts. No particular purpose for writing it other than to process it all.

One of my kids got a super high fever this week which scared the shit out of me...I could only imagine if it was actually my kid. Kids are so dependent and need love and compassion. That's why I don't understand people who mistreat them and act like they shouldn't give an arm and a leg to protect them. That is the motivator behind me doing social work.

I have so many different interests going on in my head and random things that I would love to do which makes actually doing any of them really hard! I can only hope one day I will get it all straight.

Housesitting for my padres was an experience this week.

What to do when someone you love is absolutely headed down the worst road imaginable and you are helpless to do a damn thing about it!!!!???

Trust is the only thing getting me through that one...

Uncomfortable chains

Hebrews 13:3

"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering."

Last night my church had an all night prayer service. Being the cynical person I can be sometimes...I was expecting your typical service where people jump around and shout but do nothing after the fact. Anyways, I was shown last night that there is still some good in the American church today. Young people were praying last night for so many different things with a spirit of expectancy that God would respond!

My faith was encouraged and gave me the kick I needed to wake up. The persecuted church has been on my heart for a long time. The stories of religious persectuion I find blow my mind and shock me that I am not hearing these things all over the news. The media will not bring attention to the issue so Christians must bring the awareness. There is not much talk in churches here about our brothers and sisters being tortured and marytered for the sake of Christ. It is easier to ignore it since bringing it up would be uncomfortable. God forbid we should be uncomfortable!

The fact is that following Christ is not a popular thing especially when it asks something of you.

In 2006 171,000 Christians were marytered...it is easy to hear a big number like that and forget that those were individual lives that held purpose and futures....had families and friends but knew the cost of following Jesus would require everything. I wonder sometimes how I would respond in that situation. Is our faith that genuine and bold that our perspective is bigger than our own little worlds?

What's the Point?

Everything has a purpose. Divine design purposed every action we would make and every word we would say. Hard to fathom that we were meant for greatness in a world where it is easy to feel so small. But where do you start? How to you really start to tap in to the greater purpose that was meant for you? Every moment has to count. To stop moving is to die....(not sure who said that)...It is easy to say What is the Point but another matter to say How do I reach the Point?

It is unrealistic to expect to change or save the world but tragic to not even try. You could affect one thing or one person who could affect another thing or another purpose and ripple affect would set in and glorious exploits for the Lord could be seen. Who knows? But you will never know until you settle in your heart what the point is.